No Reason

From Chicago Med Season 1, Episode 12:

Dr. Charles: You’re one hell of a performer. I mean, a real trouper. Keeping it up for so long, selling this idea you think who you need to be all the time, carrying around the weight of that performance…isn’t it tiring? Aren’t you exhausted?

The patient: I have absolutely no excuse to be sad.

Dr. Charles: You don’t need a excuse, man. You’re a human being.

This quote really resonated with me. I have been pretty depressed lately, but keep beating myself up for feeling that way. I keep saying to my therapist that I don’t understand why I am so sad. Objectively everything in my life is going well – I am in graduate school, I have a job, I have a boyfriend, I have great friends, a great family etc. I look around and see people that are less fortunate than me, and feel guilty that I am still sad and hopeless despite everything that I have. Logically I know that when you have depression you don’t need a reason to be depressed, but I still often feel bad about my mood being so low. So, it was nice to hear the line about not needing an excuse to be sad.

In addition, I could really relate to the first part of the quote. I am exhausted all of the time, and find being around people particularly draining. I think it is because when I am around people I put on this act that everything is ok. I act happy and energetic, and then come home and collapse. Dr. Charles is right that putting on that performance is exhausting.

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