From Grey’s Anatomy Season 5 Episode 18 – Elevator Love Letter:
Alex: Doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.
I am lucky that I have never experienced true trauma. I have had a few professionals argue that certain events in my life could be considered traumatic, but I have thankfully never experienced what most people would consider a traumatic event.
However, I think this quote is applicable even for those who have not experienced trauma. Specifically, I think this quote can apply simply to the experience of having an eating disorder. The years of having an eating disorder has certainly left a scar; it has certainly changed me. It has messed me up in some ways, and definitely messed with my life plans.
That being said, years of therapy have provided me with tools to better handle a variety of situations. I have met many wonderful friends in treatment, and in some ways have been afforded opportunities that I probably would not have had if I continued on the career path I was on before treatment. Although I am in a bit of a rough patch right now when it comes to regret over giving up medical school, I am trying to do what Alex says – use the pain and fear to push myself and keep myself moving forward.
I hope that anyone reading this entry can do the same. Trauma and painful experiences are awful, but if nothing else, hopefully they can motivate you to keep pushing and moving forward. Remember too that you are not alone, and there are always people out there to provide support.