First, all of the quotes in this article are great: 14 Empowering Quotes From ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’ That Will Motivate You To Take On The Day
I want to draw particular attention, however, to this one:
“Happy People Value Their Needs As Much As Others”
Putting my needs first is something I really struggle with. I have a hard time saying no to any request, especially when I’m doing so in the service of my own recovery. For example, if a friend asks for a ride somewhere, but giving her that ride means missing dinner, my eating disorder tends to do double duty and say “you can’t say no because that would make you a bad friend, and also this is the perfect ‘excuse’ to not eat dinner.”
However, that line of reasoning has resulted in nothing but countless admissions to the hospital, so I am really trying to do something different now. Specifically, when it comes to helping other friends who are in recovery, my therapist likes to remind me of how on an airplane they remind you to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. After putting everyone else’s requests ahead of my own needs for basically my whole life, it feels really weird to say “no, I can’t do that, I have to eat”, but I’m trying.
I’m also hoping that this quote from Kimmy Schmidt will help remind me that perhaps the way out of the depressive funk I am in now is not trying to keep pleasing others. I often think that I’ll be happier if I work more or do more for others, but maybe what I actually need to do is give myself that day off instead of taking on more work, or allow myself to curl up on the couch with my cats and watching Netflix instead of going out when I really don’t need to (although sadly I have now finished all of Season 2 of Kimmy Schmidt). It is a real shift in values/priorities, but here’s to hoping that Kimmy is right.