From The Good Wife season 5 episode “Dramatics, Your Honor”:
Will: Now, we can look at normal people and want to be like them but we can’t, really…Okay, look you take a few months off. Go have a life. But I’m telling you right now you will be bored sick. Life is overrated, and you’ll miss it. That feeling you get when you figure something out. You live for that.
Will tells Kalinda the above in response to her wanting to quit working as an investigator, but when I heard it, it really jumped out at me with regards to eating disorder and depression recovery.
The first line jumped out at me because recently I have mentioned to several people about how I look at normal people (i.e. people without an eating disorder or depression) as a foreign species. I know in theory that I should be able to listen to my body’s cues and even if I eat a little more one day overall my weight will stay the same. After all, billions of people do that – my family and friends without eating disorders all eat without thinking much about it and roughly maintain their weight. Yet to me, that seems like a foreign concept. I feel like what Will says to Kalinda holds true to me – I can look at these people and want to be like them, but I can’t ever be like them. I hope it’s not true, but that’s what it feels like right now.
With regards to what he says about life, thankfully I am not bored by life. Some days, however, I I do “miss it.” I know Will is talking about the “high” Kalinda feels when she figures something out on a case, but I think it can translate to the “high” I feel when I’m losing weight. Right now I’m in a bit of a depressive funk and I keep thinking about how good it would feel to lose some weight, to get that “high.” I keep looking for it in other things – work, friends etc. While I have an amazing job and excellent friends, some days it feels like nothing will match that feeling of seeing the scale go down. I know, however, that in the long run that short-term elation will only lead to bigger problems (losing my job, losing my friends etc), and that is keeping me from acting on those urges. But, it is tempting. Hopefully if I keep plugging away I will find that the urge dissipates, and life will not feel overrated.