YOU have to do it

Meredith: (voiceover) Surgery is a solo act…Because even though you’re surrounded by a team… what it really comes down to is your training, your choices, your wits, your hands, your stitch. It comes down to just you.But the truth is, we are never alone. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. We stand side-by-side with the colleagues who have supported us, prepared us for the moment that every surgeon lives for.”

First, I feel like this quote says something very powerful about how you can be both alone and not alone at the same time, and I feel like that relates a lot to the recovery process.  I have blogged before about how recovery is a very lonely process.  No matter how great your treatment team or support system, at the end of the day YOU still have to make the choice to eat and be compliant with treatment. The other day my therapist and I were talking about how I need to increase my meal plan, and she asked what she could do to help.  I said that I wish I knew how she could help, but I honestly could not think of anything.  As the voiceover says, “even though you’re surrounded by a team….it comes down to you.”  She can support me in every way possible (I have actually been texting with her which has been super helpful), but ultimately I have to make the choice to actually eat.

Second, like the quote implies, I have trouble remembering that I am not alone, and using my support systems.  Like I’ve said before, I have great friends and a great family.  I know they would do anything to help if I admitted to struggling.  However, I hesitate to talk about treatment with anyone because I am ashamed,  I do not want to make anyone worry, and I do not want to be a burden.  Moreover, to relate back to the first point, it’s hard to ask for help when you have this voice reminding you that at the end of the day, it’s up to you.  So, I think that thought, the thought that ultimately it is up to me, is another thing that keeps me from asking for help.  I guess I need to keep reminding myself that even though at the end of the day it is up to me, that does not mean I need to go it alone.

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